but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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