Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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