Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
