3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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