is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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