Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
