remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
