I think im going to throw up on grandma
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just want to make out with him forever
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
