I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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