oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
