Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
