My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
