She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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