it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
