im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
