Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
