man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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