Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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