I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize