You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
