You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
