I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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