Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
