Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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