i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think your dad took our porno
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
