So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
