none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
we're so committed to being not committed
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
