when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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