It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
