This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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