i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
