you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
