he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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