I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize