Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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