id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize