I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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