So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
