you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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