i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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