good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i love accidental penises.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
