you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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