I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
