I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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