I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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