my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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