he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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