I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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