I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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