Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
