dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
