Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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