I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize