Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
