Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
True college students do jello shots in the library
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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