What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
