chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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