dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
