I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You may now shotgun with the bride
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
