Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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