listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
