the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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