we're chasing vodka with high fives
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's just like the Real World with babies
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
