It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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