I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
