Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
